It seems to be snowing and raining simultaneously? as I write this.
We walk the city streets, creating threads of ideas that will inspire and encourage Todd for the immediate moments and those in our future. We are actually starting the day (out and about) a bit earlier than I have managed in some time really. We spend some of our time anticipating what lies ahead (as if that is possible). All we know for sure is the year ahead of us clearly requires both rock strong faith in Todd and the team that equals his healing and a great deal of love. Todd looks at our faces and believes what he sees. If you show him fear, then he fears……..if you smile his face brightens up. Please remember this as we are all one day reunited……
For the last few weeks I have practically begged the doctors to consider his demonstratively high levels and multiple dosages of epileptic medication (always wondering what is the important things to fight for). The dosages climb and with it so does the drowsiness. I have seen Todd over these four months in a much more communicative and stronger place as have others. Johnny and Dr. Pepijn have helped me see that to make even the slightest changes at this time could be a risk to Todd and our eventual return home. The changes could easily tack on an additional two months to our considerably extended time here……….and I really do not want to witness 3 seasons here in Amsterdam. So we must endure the heavy drowsiness and weakness that are the known and recognized side effects of each of the 3 medications Todd is currently taking and allow for the fine tuning as he is treated at home. Todd’s father has also helped me find a bit of peace on this subject……. Like I have mentioned before, I can occasionally became anxious and frustrated especially when you witness a barrier going up that limits Todd’s ability to amp up his recovery and demonstrate to all what he is capable of…….some of which we have seen, others which are still to come. Another way of seeing this, is Todd is being given the time he needs to gain strength and power… he is resting up. It takes time to adjust to change.
So we had the sweetest day yet here at the AMC. Alex and I got to the hospital a little early today to get him spruced up for his mum. Annie held his arm and let me tell you, when you see that woman smile, you can see that there is some very deep and healing energy that is flowing into Todd. The love on her open peaceful face made our corner of the room a little bubble of quiet and warmth. Toward the end of the day, after Annie and her wonderful host Truda had left, we were left with Todd in bed. I worked his arms for a bit, which calms him down, and then Alex massaged his feet and legs. When I suggested Alex give him a little face massage she went for broke and snuggled right up with him, her face buried in his neck. She asked me to put his hand on her back, and there they lay for quite a while, Alex feeling Todd’s arms around her for the first time in months, and the expression on his face becoming more and more serene. I could tell he was breathing in her pure love, radiating with bliss. I quickly found something interesting to look at out the window. So I think we gave Mr T a pretty good dose of the essential medicine. Between these two ladies, he is floating on the calm that will help him get through the rest of his stay here. A-yup. It was a good day…
Love and hugs and what the heck else do you need?
p.s. Today is Groundhogs’ Day and leave it to my barely bigger brother Johnny to take my joke and run wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to far with it! So basically he arrived here with nearly a weeks worth of Mac N’ Cheese and of course the film Groundhog’s Day. I can still see the smirk on his face when I found that movie in the goodie pile! OH NO!!!! Johnny: OH yESSS! So tonight we will lovingly harass and pick on eachother while I am subjected to my very own joke becoming a reality. It will be the cheeeesiest!