Now that we are home, we are in a new chapter that one cannot prepare for. It is a huge gift to finally be in the rehabilitation environment and the next few weeks hold so much promise and without a doubt many challenges. Todd is in an even more challenging daily program than we have ever known and we have had our share of challenges, Todd especially. The demands of his daily routine mean that once he has participated in all his scheduled rehab sessions… there is nothing left for him to give. What that translates to is – he sleeps. The docs have severely scaled back any visitors (and from where we were most recently that is saying a lot!)……. Even if you were able to visit he would most likely be asleep. Yet for all of you with your many questions and really unless you can see us or have been in a similar situation, it is difficult to clearly understand or grasp. This I know…as I am here by Todd’s side and still many of the answers we hunger for can only be given with time. Every day he makes progress, every day there is some new hurdle he has overcome, as little as it could seem to us who take every muscle and movement for granted. You learn how many muscles are involved with a swallow and a hand gesture, the turn of your neck, and the putting on of your shirt (this especially because the range of motion is great). The therapists that surround Todd are not only committed to his recovery but also celebrate his accomplishments (and sometimes tell bad jokes). Some of the limitations are real and others we expect and he surpasses. It is a great lesson to us all.

As for real information….here is a tid bit. With the help of apparatus he is standing! He has done this with his physical therapist a FEW times now! His muscles are gaining strength, also his tone and stamina are also slowly but surely coming along. That is when you learn about good tone and the other tone…. so much learning going on. We have many months of bedrest and other medical challenges which have taken their toll. It will take Todd time. It is the beginning of our chapter of healing, it is a long chapter, it may in and of itself be a book. Never will life be so day by day as it is now, I imagine. Today will rarely hint at tomorrow which is most often an entirely different equation…….that said today dear Todd’s smiles are returning. His face is bright with possibility.

The irony of this situation has never been so obvious as now with every day we are home (I want to say we) but for sure I am aware. When I go to the Berkeley Bowl and grab a tomato (which is out of season, so he would never allow such a thing) or look at the artichoke, dining at our table in the kitchen…. I am surrounded by the “WE” moments that for now are just I. So it is such an ironic and difficult thing to wrap your mind around…….. to miss someone who has fought so hard to be by your side. Who IS……and then when I come home at the end of our day to our house ………is not. To be so near our friends and family and not be surrounded by them, not knowing when that will be a beneficial time but sooooo looking forward to those days. The good thing is we do all have time, we can be together today or tomorrow or next month………..much as it ever was. It needn’t all happen tomorrow. It reminds me of an earlier blog where Yuksel speaks of the human nature: to desire in the immediate………..