This city has really has a hold on us. It has become so familiar. We are moving through three seasons now. In late September and October we were able to watch the leaves change color and drop from their branches. While November moved into December we watched as the canal outside the AMC froze over a couple of time and people around us spoke of skating on the ice. I walked every morning passed the holiday stands (in the squares and outside the hospital) selling their seasonal treats, more specifically olliebollen. The miracle of the most hardy mosquito that endures the freezing temperatures and lady bugs in bed. One particularly beautiful day the snow dusting on the streets and bicycles while the sun shone this soft light. It was chilly chilly chilly. The snow is not a frequent condition here, so the people were all over the streets. A stunning day for the photographers, the morning after the fresh dusting of snow, you could find one around many a corner. The garden was a site to behold. As we move into February the sun comes out hinting at spring, we have taken Todd out in his special chair with wheels and basked in the sun’s rays while the air is still brisk. Every square and chair outside is bubbling over with all types of folks. (The chair in the sun being a hot commodity, for it is still rather cool in the shade). I am surrounded by water and yet I have not been given the opportunity to be on it, time really. We watch and try to measure the improvement in Todd’s strength and ability. I am chomping at the bit to move Todd forward to Home, it is without a doubt a necessary location for us both to continue on this healing path and find more strength and peace to move through the next season….. Frustration rears it very real head the transition is not quite tangible…… While the time here has taken its toll on us………every day we remain here we appreciate and enjoy the great gifts of this city and its inhabitants (Todd had a piece from an art show come to him since he could not go to it, lovely food prepared by our friends, great conversation, and those are just a couple of the highlights…..laughter where ever we can find it.)…..and also you at home. We are always trying to devise ways to inspire Todd and put a smile on his face.
I dream sometimes of being home and on my kayak, rowing in the peaceful morning before going to Todd……..the support of our friends and family, and the ability to be in a room and understand clearly all that is said. I dream of Todd being less drowsy….most importantly I dream of Our next chapter and season of growth.
Each day is really a fight for our life in the most passive of ways of course, for Todd each day is work. We are in a limbo somewhere between healing and home.
UPDATE: The sun has gone away and the cold has returned….burr. gloves back on.
February 13, 2008 at 10:26 am
Thank you for sharing Alex…
Your description of your experiences are so moving and thoughtful. Taking pleasures in the small things as they are reminds us all to take a moment to look around…
We’re all here bumping along thinking about you and Todd. We’ll be here when you return whenever that is.
Take care hun,
Caprice
February 13, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Three seasons…can Spring be so far behind? Oakland is warm and sunny: after a month of rain, the cherry trees are all beginning to blossom, daffodils are prolific, and even the fog rolled back into town. It’s a good season for renewal and regeneration and cheesy, cheesy love-magic!
February 14, 2008 at 6:53 am
COOL BERKELEY BENEFIT FOR TB
Check out the Schedule of Events page – Feb 25th
Right around the corner and a great place to connect if you are in the Bay Area
Peas and Dutch Cheese
*
A
February 14, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Happy smoochy-smooch day, to everyone’s favorite lovebirds!! xo! n
February 14, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I cant help thinking about you two on this day of CHOCOLATE and love! Alex I am remembering the sneaky little notes you would pack in Todds suitcase when he went to Germany for work, thinking then (as I do now) what great silly playful love-birds you two are!
The sun has been out all week and it’s making everything shine. Your mosquitoes and ladybug are thinking about starting to get hungry and look for places to lay their eggs. But not quite yet, they’re waiting for the wildflowers to bloom. We just have bask in and enjoy the rays we’ve got until the real spring arrives.
Thanks Amy for posting the note about the benefit lecture–see you all there?!
xoxox
PennyJ
February 15, 2008 at 9:45 am
Dear Alex & Todd,
I don’t know if Davy told you, but he had a birthday (unmentionable round number of years) and at his birthday party we had a toast to the two of you–the first toast, because you both should have been there drinking wine & eating pizza on the couch, so we conjured you there in spirit!
I wanted to wish you both a happy Valentine’s day as well–I hope you share some kisses–
Also, my friend Jenn Shreve (and her husband Alan Rapp) send you both big hugs as well–it turns out that Jenn knows Eric P–so it’s a small world & I have my fingers crossed that it will get smaller & smaller & smaller & smaller: and then we’ll be neighbors again.
xoxo
Selby
February 15, 2008 at 1:11 pm
hahaa.. well, here an update of Valentines in the AMC yesterday!
raising eyebrows, twinkeling his eyes in yes and no’s. Not all the time ofcourse, but just enough to feel comfortable in eating the delicious meal in front of him, no, more WITH him and Alex, because he likes the taste on his tongue eventho he cant eat it yet. What a great guy he is. And have i mentioned her yet?! No? Well.. She is just adorable!
Me and my fav xmas-present visited Alex and Todd yesterday evening at their room in the AMC. Bunny and her kid PeterTodd were there too, and we had lots of jitter, tatter and laughter.. And what i liked especially (next to the sweet attention of my fave xmaspresent, Alex’ being, the other Patients Patience with us, the nurses closing one eye and giving us an extra half hour because we were all so cosy, and not disturbing the rest of the ward *that much*, the GREAT Roti that we brought to eat, and could even give Todd a taste of!.. well i’ll go on in a minute, just reread my sentence, ehm.. the getting water from the kitchen for tea, seeing the skills of the nurses taking care of peeps.) well, what i really liked especially was.. that i really could feel that it was getting easier for me to understand how Todd was dealing with us, me, and the things asked and said: he was wonderfully aware of the conversations, and not exhausted by trips outside the hospitals i think
yep, i spoke to her on the phone this morning, having our coffees in our mornings.. And what a cosy Valentine’s we had!!
Bye all!
Toetsie
February 17, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Hello, hello to you all from the Isle of Brisbania!
We have been away from this site for too long, but know that you’ve been on our minds in in our hearts, every day in some way.
Spring is almost here, but you never know in the Bay Area. Sometimes I think we’ve got 2 seasons here, Cold and Colder.
Paxton is now 3 feet tall, with more hair than Daddy (well, he was born with more hair than Daddy!) and he is getting to that stage where he says really silly, sweet things. Today he went up to Eric and patted him on the shoulder and said: “My Friend.” Yeah, the cuteness factor is out of control over here. Right now he can draw circles, but we’re working on horses and will send you something soon, or just wait and give it to you in person…
We’re still here, sending our healing vibes out there, and sending some lasagna vibes too. I’m making a yummy pan for dinner.
Love you,
Jill, Eric and Paxton
February 19, 2008 at 10:43 am
Hi Todd and Alex on a cold wet San Francisco morning! I’m pleased to hear that Todd is able to enjoy the outdoors for a bit in his special chair – I’m sure the feeling of the sun on his face does him a world of good. I can’t wait to see you both back here, and look forward to reading about Todd’s continuing progress. Love to you both,
Michael
February 20, 2008 at 6:53 pm
hey hey hey, did you all look outside?! What a beautifull moon! Love you guys! Love from Toets, in Utrecht this time.