Without a doubt this is a difficult time. The move back into ICU….. away from our nice window. The difficulties experienced here are not out of fear, but for the absence of Todd that I must endure. At this moment I have no wink, no inkling of a smile, no squeeze of his hand or gentle kiss to carry me on…….this is the frustration that your are witnessing.
Last night I spoke with a friend and it seems there may be some clarification required. If one person has a question then it could be more of you are thinking along the same lines. Todd’s move back to the ICU is due to procedural requirements, not that we are backsliding to where we were two months ago, by any means. This is a procedure – it is not so much an emergency, but an aggressive manner in which to handle the seizures.
“They are essentially shutting of the brain and then slowly turning it back on again.” According to Todd’s neurosurgeon.
Think of this as a restart when your computer is slogging through its applications. Generally, the restart will produce the desired results, and if not you systematically move through the computer until you get there.
Todd is stable and very very asleep. This procedure should take 3-5 days….. so prepare for some simple few days of not so much to say. The medications involved can only be administered in the ICU, also the temporary intubation (to avoid any complications or unnecessary labor for Todd’s tired body). The seizures should they continue would be difficult, but this is within the range of what can be expected with such a severe injury…..and will in time be managed.
On the Good News front….I spoke with Beth from the insurance company today. She has assured me that I will accompany Todd on the ambulance flight home. …. A HUGE concern here that has now been lifted from my shoulders. Can you tell I feel lighter now? Next resolve the apartment (which is well on its way) and I will find some peace.
We are just on this curvy road but we haven’t turned back! Soon we will move through this as we have with each hurdle, and return to my leaning over his bed to catch every whisper he struggles to deliver!
Love.
From
Alex + Todd.
p.s. I am not sure what is going on down there for Blue and Green Ball……but I have seen the word “hay bales” in print. I am going to guess that the setting up of this GRAND EVENT will be just as much an event in and of itself. (SO please take pictures of people up on ladders, outfit changes, and all the elves at work!!!) With this event you will see all the love that can not be directly administered to Todd, is poured in to the mix make it all that it can possible be. I am amazed and wish we could be there in person….CAUSE people that is a WHOLE LOT OF LOVE AND CARING.xxx
p.s.s. KooKs – Todd had always said this year we would finally join the Big Basin caravan. So know that we would have if we could have. xxx
November 29, 2007 at 5:45 am
My dear Alex-
If at all possible- can you use this time to “re-boot” some of your energy? Knowing that he is in capable hands and will rest a few more days, knowing the flight is taken care of and the apartment moving along….please replenish your stores. Todd will need you at the ready when he emerges from this needed rest. I am sure those wonderful nurses have told you the same thing…care for the caregiver. Love and Hugs-
November 29, 2007 at 8:47 am
Alex,
Erin said it well….it’s now your few hours or days to regroup, rest, rejuvinate. Rest a bit while Todd rests. Glad to hear some insurance issues are being resolved. A soft kiss on the cheek to Toddy from Aunt Jane & Bob
November 29, 2007 at 8:52 am
thanks for clarifying about the ICU return, Alex, I did wonder a bit but didn’t want to ask! Thinking about you both today.
November 29, 2007 at 10:16 am
I was at Berkeley Bowl yesterday and while gathering my weekly supply of yogurt I was recalling when you, Todd & I ran into each other and discussed the latest movies over the dairy section. Berkeley Bowl is brimming over with fall harvest…persimmons, apples, pears, squash,pomegranates, figs, peppers. I often ran into Todd here and we would have long discussions over what we were eating and how to prepare it, his and your latest projects, all the while shifting around to accommodate the bustle of surrounding impatient shoppers. I still look for Todd’s smiling face amidst the pumpkins and leeks. Eventually I will see the two of you and we will make dinner plans and you will come to my finally finished kitchen and we will share good food, wonderful conversation and fabulous company. In the meantime, sleep sweet Todd, rest dear Alex and know you are always in my thoughts.
November 29, 2007 at 11:26 am
I concur–rest Alex. Knowing you, you have other plans up your sleeve, but try to use this time to replenish your body and sole.
All my love,
Susie
November 29, 2007 at 12:56 pm
And rest assured that we at Big Basin will raise a toast or two in your direction. We’ll see you there next year. Big hugs and kisses.
November 29, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Thinking of you guys. The stable sleep before the long but inspiring work of recovery and return home. Thinking of the future and the importance of the present in getting there. Sleep well Todd, rest easy Alex. Good night.
November 30, 2007 at 2:24 am
Well folks, with all these e-mails to artists and friends, making plans and sending out cyber hugs, MY TYPING IS GETTING REALLY GOOD!!!
But seriously, I too hope you can take a little breather Alex. Maybe we should all take a collective Sunday off this weekend. Yes, there is such a thing as a weekend, dear readers. I went to the fabled land called the midwest recently, and people there don;t work 80 hour weeks. Strange but true. Many of them don;’t even work 60 hours a week. They have a thing called hockey, and another thing called dinner. These are apparently known as “leisure activities”. Strange but true…
Joanne and I took out the stealth van (my little red pickup), donned some black skimasks, and snuck around SF artnapping tonight, and have a few wonderful catches. A mock caution sign, some booby infatuated sock monkey and robot prints, and the catch of the day, a beautiful painting of a Doggie Diner head. Jon Law, please stop salivating on your keyboard, you will short it out.
SO the outpouring of art for the auction echoes the compassion we have seen flowing forth in the last couple of months.
Love and hugs and proud of you all, on either sides of the Atlantic.
Good morning Alex!!
November 30, 2007 at 3:09 pm
All our love goes out to Todd and you, and I have my saintly mother praying for you EVERY day with her Catholic congregation of lil’ ole ladies and menz. Powerful stuff….
We love you, and may the power of 4th of July and Two Feathers be with you!